To your attention, short sketches about crazy, funny, stupid and our favorite clients.
1) A young couple with a three-year-old son, Arseniy.
The first time they consulted, Arsyusha pissed on the floor for us, pissed on his mother (for some reason she grabbed him in her arms), pissed on himself.
The second time, when this couple returned to us to take shape, Arseniy pissed on a mattress for us, worth 80,000 rubles.
Do you think his parents even apologized? Shhzzzz, they said, "Such an expensive mattress should have a waterproof cover!"
2) During the consultation, the client realized that she had lost her phone. It seems that she was just talking with her husband, where the mobile then went - she does not remember. Reshaped the exhibition. There is no phone. She left to file a complaint with the police. The thief was found.
It turned out that the client, after talking on the phone, put it on a pedestal, and while we were walking around the exhibition, a man came into our section and took it away.
How they found him: they looked at the cameras that 20 minutes before the theft, this idiot designed a table with chairs to order in another department. Accordingly, in that store, the police broke through all the data of the robber of the century.
3) About the theft in our salon. Two families came in. While the wives distracted the salesman, the husbands stole packaged linens from the counter. About an hour later, the seller saw the loss, ran to the camera guard to look, quickly figured out the thieves, saw that they were sitting in the sofa department, ran there. The arrogance of individuals is astounding. They took a box of bedding, not hiding it anywhere, just walked around the shopping center with it in their hands for an hour! When the seller overtook them, the two families at first smiled and said that they had bought it. To a logical request to provide a check, they nevertheless clarified that they were misunderstood, they WANTED to return and pay for it, they just really liked the bedding and they took it just so that others would not buy it.
4) Two grannies came in. One waterproof cover chooses, the other helps. Their dialogue:
- Listen, maybe I don't need a cover? Well, I'm still in my mind and do not pee in bed yet.
- Well, how not needed? And how are you going to wipe your grandfather's sperm from a new mattress? Wipe with a rag?
The seller then half a day went thoughtful.
5) This is a classic: buy a set of furniture under 200 thousand, save 1,500 rubles on delivery, 5,000 rubles on assembly. and first break the headset along the road, and then finish it off with your crooked assembly.
Then come to us, complain about your bitter fate as a villain, clarifying, “But you really won’t replace broken parts for me for free?”, “Are you sure?”, “Can you call the director again with this question?”.
6) The case in the salon opposite. The husband and wife were sitting with the seller at the reception, sticking into the computer (drawing furniture in the program). At this time, the salon was carried by two of their children: a boy of 7 years old and a girl of 4-5 years old. They ran, they ran, they screamed, they laughed. Our heads were already starting to hurt from this noise, when our parents did not even think of somehow calming them down.
Then a dull thud, a child's scream and cry. We jumped up from our seats ... The youngest fell on the sharp edge of the cabinet and cut her temple. Parents in horror grabbed the children, went to the injury. The salesperson who worked with them was pregnant. She became sick at the sight of blood. And the blood managed to flow out decently ... While some girls pumped it out, others tried to wash the blood from the floor, cabinet, mattress.
7) More about parents "from God." It was back when there were no cameras in the shopping center.
Once the security guard had to run around all departments of the shopping center, and this, by the way, is 4 floors + 2 cafes. He was looking for the parents of the baby, who was left in a stroller on the first floor, next to the security booth. The child woke up and began to cry, one guard rocked him, the second went to look for "caring" parents.
P.S. He found them in the furniture loan queue on the 4th floor.
This article is how to for communication support with clients, how to communicate with clients with whom it is impossible to communicate: hostile, embittered, suspicious - those that we used to call inadequate.
There are many well-known strategies on this topic. For example, let's try to apply the advice from the book "Customers for Life" by Carl Sewell:- Listen to the client
- Do as he wants.
But how will this advice help us with Anton Uralsky, who has breaks? No way. Support worker Dimitri is unable to fix the gaps on the spot. Especially if, as he says, it's a technological feature.
Another example. We have a niche dating site. In response to the mailing list, a response from a client named Craig (name changed):
What the heck...sorry, but fat grandmas are not HOT CHICKS. too funny!
The client is unhappy that fat and old women write to him. Let's try to apply Carl Sewell's advice:
- Listen. Well, we listened.
- Do as he wants. The client wants women to be younger and slimmer.
WTF, Carl Sewell, how do I make them look younger and slimmer? We need other methods. Let's start with the unpopular: self-improvement. Then we will continue with a more rewarding topic: working on a client.
We don't label
It is important not to brand the client as "inadequate", "fuck" and so on. As soon as we call the client "inadequate", we program our reaction. Indeed, imagine yourself in the place of a support employee: we are attacked by someone "inadequate". What should be done? We need to protect ourselves from the "inadequate". How?We all know how to defend postal workers, government agencies and other places where they pay little and recruit employees, let's say, of the lower segment of the qualification.
An example of a passive-aggressive defense: " Get outta here bitch »
Protection methods may vary:
get frostbitten
get off
or, as employee Dmitry does, internally neigh, admiring himself.
The stigma of the client is detrimental not only to the relationship between the client and the company, but also for ourselves. As soon as we put a label, we begin to worry: "If it weren't for such assholes that poisoned my life, I would live in peace." Or, "How can you be so stupid?"
In fact, of course, they are not assholes. People are more complex than the asshole in a single episode, and one inadequate attack does not make them assholes, just as one single adequate act does not make them models of harmony.
Alternate Algorithm: Harvard Negotiation Project
Briefly, the algorithm is as follows:- State the situation in a neutral way
- Formulate from the point of view of the client
- Formulate from your side
- Suggest a solution.
Next, I will talk about each of the points separately. Sources:
* The so-called Harvard Negotiation Project, excellently outlined in the book " Difficult conversations»
* Examples from personal practice.
1. Formulate the situation in a neutral way
To begin with, you need to express the thought neutrally, as if from the outside.
Grandpa looks from the side
For why this is needed, let's look at the whole: why do conflicts occur? They rarely occur due to the fact that the client and support operate on different facts. But they often happen because the parties give different weight to the same facts. Consider examples.
In the case of Anton Uralsky, gaps are important for him. For a support, this is a trifle. How does the support respond, looking from his bell tower?
- Well, once every 24 hours, the session is guaranteed to break ...
For a dating client, the parameters of one particular woman who wrote to him are important - one of the tens of thousands of those on the site. For a support, they are not important, since there are many other women on the site. How would a support from his bell tower respond?
- Look for others.
Everyone speaks about his own, it turns out the Tower of Babel.
In order for the case not to end in a crusade with robberies and rapes, it is important to find a common language. Start with something you both agree on. State facts, not interpretations.
Anthony can be answered like this:
- It looks like we have a problem with constant breaks.
Craig:
- So we've got a problem with the appearance of our women.
What have we done? Formulated something from which you can push off. Something we agree on. We are good guys.
2. Formulate from the customer's point of view
It is very difficult. Why is it so difficult? It seems to me, because my primary school teacher Nina Alekseevna taught me to act according to “truth” and “justice”. I loved her and love her, and at the same time I think this is the worst advice that can be given. Millions of teachers, teachers, dads and moms around the world give a similar attitude. This setting is part of Western culture.According to this setup, it is assumed that there is only one truth, although, of course, in reality there are an uncountable number of them, and all are true:
- Uralsky sees gaps - this is true (regardless of whether they are there or not)
- Dmitry considers them irremovable - this is also true
- The dating client thinks the woman is old and fat - this is also true (even if she is cute, and the client himself is over 50)
- The site is full of other women - this is also true.
At the same time, we don't have to take someone else's truth. It's important to her easy to understand. Understand what he is talking about and how it looks from his side.
It's not difficult at all. Here is how the support could answer Anton:
- That is, before the connection was not broken, but recently it began to break?
And here's how Craig:
- Looks like you're not a fan of old and big?
3. Articulate from our side
We do not start communication by broadcasting from our bell tower, but we do not hush up our point of view either. Once formulated neutrally and from the point of view of the client - hooray! - You can say for yourself. Our opinion is no less important than the opinion of the client. No more important, but no less.So, we say to Anton:
- From my side it looks different: a protocol feature that happens to all clients and most do not pay attention to it. Could you tell us in more detail why this is so important to you, and we would think what can be done about it?
Those who noticed the recursion, offset.
Craig:
- So here we go, Maxim models are not chasing us around. Same time, there are plenty of women on the website.
Is it worth it to say that "From my point of view, you are shit" - this does not mean expressing your vision of the situation, which means expressing your relation to man. It won't help the case. “You called an idiot an idiot. Congratulations, you called a spade a spade. And what? You haven't changed anything” (c) Motorcycle and art of motorcycle manteinence.
And finally the most important:
4. Suggest a solution
Why can't you start with this? Can. Denis said so. Expressed in the sense that the gaps need to be ignored. Which infuriated the unfortunate Anton.Or take the example of Craig. Craig could have answered: look for others. Dialogue:
- She's fat and old
- Look for other ones.
At first glance, briefly and to the point - good, at the second - bad. Because it puts Craig before a choice: to admit that he is an idiot and did not guess himself, or to give weight to other sides of the case. For example, he could object: “Then why should I send such terrible ones and wait for me to catch fire in lust?”
What solution to offer? It's usually easy here. For example:
- Anton, unfortunately, we cannot guarantee the absence of at least one break per day. Let's think how to be?
Craig:
- So maybe you look for other ones.
What to do next and how to deal with complications
Then you need to listen again. As you noticed, sometimes the process is recursive. Sometimes it loops. Consider some of the complications that may arise.Cycles
Sometimes the client repeats the same thing: "I'm telling you again ...". Well, cycles are normal. One of my employees needs to be listened to three times, then she herself proposes a solution and leaves satisfied.Endless Loops
They need to be torn in one of many ways. For example, you can interpret the loop as a problem and start at step 1: “Looks like we've been talking about the same thing for some time now.” Another way is to thank and hang up.Screams, curses and threats
Shouting is a protest against a situation where the client is cornered. Anton screams in helplessness. That is, crying is not a problem in itself, but a symptom of another problem.Shouting is also a provocation. The client set a trap for you. It is important not to please her. Denis is great here.
And, most importantly: screams, cursing and threats are not the end of the dialogue, but the continuation of negotiations. While they are playing, you have a chance to negotiate (see Secrets of power negotiating). There is no chance in another case: with complete disregard.
In real life, you can not say absolutely everything, if you feel that you can not talk, so as not to sound like a caricature of a psychologist: they will think that you are mocking.
But: in case there are doubts - we have a script, especially in writing, where if you can be misunderstood, you will be misunderstood (and where you can't either).
But - let me remind you - you can not deviate from the basic settings:
- Do not label
- Look at the problem as through the eyes of the client.
Dating client example
Here is the correspondence with Craig. The name has been changed, personal data has been smeared.
An example with a client who bought support (from a hoster, in Beeline, at an airport, in a shoe shop - it's not so important).
And those and others we plus and minus for successful and unsuccessful moves.
I will also play for a while, but I hope that the game will continue without me.
update: in the comments about how to see the problem through the eyes of the client
About the new TV...
A man comes in, takes out a TV remote control and starts a story - that he bought a super cool and fancy TV, but he just can’t make friends with the tricolor. Asks to show where on the remote control to press to become ZBS. I find out which cable is connected to the TV set and explain what to press the source button and there already select HDMI with the number to which it is connected to the TV set, or go through everything in turn. The man leaves and calls someone, then his dialogue:
Hello *NAME*, are you home?
Okay, go turn on the TV.
Turned on? Right now, I will press the buttons on the remote control, and you watch what is happening on the screen and speak. Right now the menu should come out
It doesn't work as you say, you must be a crappy master.
And he leaves in search of better masters.
About expensive repairs
A client arrives with a DVB set-top box, the connector from the tuner is torn out.
Will we fix it? Preferably today.
Easily. 350r
Did you f*ck? I'll do better myself
He left, the next day he was the same, but only with a fee. There is a fierce star in the tuner area. There is nothing to restore, most of the smd components are missing, everything is covered in rosin and plops of tin.
Do it for 350, I agree. But he even stopped turning on, but I took it apart for you to save time.
There is nothing to restore here, go for a new one
Yes, you’re driving, it’s been the same here since Novya, just say that you were offended.
Again turned out to be a crappy master)
About ARA services
They bring a tablet, complain that after replacing the touchscreen in another service, it blunts, sometimes it presses past, or maybe it doesn’t respond at all for a while. In that service they said that it was necessary to flash the touchscreen controller under a new glass (almost a quote), but now they don’t have such an opportunity, otherwise they will do it anywhere for 300 rubles. I understand that people just leaked a touch with marriage. I take the mouse, I cling to it, in the developer mode I turn on the display of touches, everything works perfectly. On the same hole and phantom clicks in the corners. I explain that they were simply thrown, take it under warranty or leave to change the touch to another. They called him an asshole and, again, a worthless master. They left to look for good masters. In the evening I met with the owner of a friendly service, they also could not prove that nothing needed to be flashed, but it was necessary to change the touch to a normal one.
And the last story, instructive so to speak.
They brought a TV set, CRT 29 Samsung. There is no image, on the primary diagnosis it is clear that there is no high voltage. At further we learn that the lineman died. For those who are not in the know, this is such a black thing that makes over a damn volt for the kinescope to work, to put it simply:
We did not have such stocks, there are no direct analogues either. For personal reasons, we haven’t ordered linemen from various Internet stores for a long time, tk. it is always expensive (one mail is 400 rubles at least) and often the linemen are leftist, re-marker or dismantling is burned out. If we buy it from colleagues in the region. We refuse to repair in this situation.
The frustrated customer picks up the TV set and takes it away. It was at the end of last year, a few weeks ago they come with the police with a receipt for the repair of this TV, but the repair is signed with a different handwriting and a different pen. And only the diagnosis is written by the hand of the receptionist. We find a copy of the receipt. We show that there was only diagnostics, and someone added the rest on top. Please tell me the details. According to the police, the dacha burned down, the examination showed the TV set was the cause of the fire, and there the expert service established that the lineman was installed not native, with winding the turns and transferring the tracks along the legs. As a result, this Kulibino miracle could not withstand the load and flared up, the plastic case caught fire and then the house.
Most likely, after the diagnosis, the owners were taken to one master, who in the local newspaper and social networks promotes himself as a guru of everything and everything and can fix everything. Only it is impossible to present anything to him, tk. works for himself, does not give receipts, and in case of problems he says a well-known phrase to everyone.
0And I can add from myself - with each in his own way, it depends on the degree of his nervousness or character. You lisp with someone and discuss every step. judge by the end result (they don’t show half the work to a fool). It’s easy to distract someone to another topic on which he will be distracted and foam (for example, the government always rolls ... they don’t always understand. that I have already finished, because they missed the whole haircut).
When I studied at the courses, one master said that in order for her client to sit still, I had to give her a comb on the head .... at first I was surprised, but when I started working, I myself sometimes hardly restrain these impulses
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You can’t beat ... although, well, I really want to sometimes. Sometimes I can stun with a question, or bark “stop.” At first they freeze incomprehensibly - then I explain that the tool is very sharp. appease your instincts. But it’s better to behave with brawlers this way, if only you are completely sure that you are stronger than him ... It’s useless to fight with a professional brawler with his own methods - he’s a pro in this. It’s better to shoot down on your strong side, where you are stronger .Or just humanly admit that what he is doing now is wrong and worse for both him and you. It’s better to just figure out the reason than try to remove the consequences (nervous behavior, double-checks, etc.)
I once heard a story from a master, and a very strong master, how she, without breaking up in price with a client and her scandals, simply kicked her in the ass on the street ... to say that she was in shock is to say nothing ...
Fuck him, to poison such stories in his team ... but to tell such things to a client sitting in her chair ...
Make your hobby your profession - and never work again!
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and yet, the eminent master has advantages in training .... I now began to notice that I involuntarily copy her behavior with clients ... even she had unique people who rolled up scandals, did not want to pay, sitting in a chair themselves repacked .. .. she reacted so calmly to all this .... now I don’t bother much about this, because if it happens to Her, what can I say about me ... even if everything is done correctly, there is no guarantee that a person will like it, if our "waves" did not match .... well, this is not my client and that's it ....
The Master with a capital letter is not immune from inadequate and brawlers. It depends on him how he pulls out the situation. - and if it is not there, it will go out on its own. He finds fault with work - explain that everyone cooks borscht according to his own recipe. And from different housewives it turns out to be delicious anyway. almost everything can be corrected. And always ask how much to cut - for each block, so that there is no surprise later. Both before the haircut and during the operation.
it's not that, they say, I don't love God... but I can't stand his fan club - it's faaakt!
I wasn't afraid to be funny. Not everyone can afford it.
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... Looking around incredulously, another client sank into my chair as if it could suddenly disappear.
Bravo! Very entertaining and educational.
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Olya, where can I get a printed copy of your book?
Katerina Luch, only from my site download (here many have already done it))). And in the publishing house, they cut all sorts of garbage out of the text like "if you have oily scalp, you should:::" and inserted it into books like "How to be beautiful", etc. They also have the rights to the book, since they bought it. That's right))) Although I fought to the last and said that she would do better "live" ...
Nicola Ru, yeah, informative, learned 5 years. And somewhere in Temko I unsubscribed that everything, my patience snapped. She began to sob again.
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And somewhere in Temko I unsubscribed that everything, my patience snapped. She began to sob again.
Here is an interesting opinion about hysterical, or simply neurasthenic persons. Allowing such an attitude means simply cherishing their paranoia and bad thoughts, well, as for my personal taste. That is, the balance between receiving and giving is disturbed. putting up with him, we simply shift someone else's cart onto our shoulders. Just calculate how much patience and nerves it takes just to bring such a person to life, listen to ridiculous nit-picking and control from an amateur and in the end get the same money for it as from an ordinary client. It’s not even about money, although most often it’s just about money. To what extent is it possible to endure such bullying?
The master is most often required to be not only with straight hands, but also communication skills (where would it be without them?), knowledge of human psychology, etiquette skills and the ability not to wag the tongue (we listen to other people's secrets in fact). And moreover, skills nanny, teacher and orderly. Professionalism, cleanliness, perfect appearance and skills to determine the brand of the product, its cost now and what it is and what it is intended for using the phrase "green jar with a purple inscription." Yes, I also forgot about the ability to read minds and to be able to translate from the phrase "I cut my hair here a year ago - I want the same, you are a master" all the subtleties and technology of cutting or coloring a client.
Most often, the client is required to simply be. Well, and the ability to pay for the required service.
It is somehow unequal if you compare the requirements from the master and the requirements from the client.
In the end, we are all adults, and such tantrums can be left at home. I don’t sob in a bakery because ordinary girls sold me a bun, who do not have a baker’s education, a technologist and with a certified psychologist crust. Aunt Masha gave me a bun at the bakery and asked about my dog’s health and how my mother was feeling, but she quit. So I’ll cry and sob at another bakery, and demand that the seller talk to me about the weather and the economic crisis in Zimbabwe.
I got distracted. Well, I have such a seditious thought - if a client doubts my prof. fitness and behaves like a client of a hospital - does it need mine? I will not find other problems for myself, except to listen to her advice on process technology, in which she cuts, like me in nuclear physics and higher algebra? I do such experiments only 2 times - the first and last to understand - the person is just upset, maybe he has PMS, or his mother died (God forbid, of course). But if this continues for a year, I’d better bite off my hand ... I’m also a person, I don’t know how regenerate nerves like Wolverine of their people X, I have my own family and friends who are waiting for me and do not want me to pour negativity on them.
it's not that, they say, I don't love God... but I can't stand his fan club - it's faaakt!
I wasn't afraid to be funny. Not everyone can afford it.
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it's not that, they say, I don't love God... but I can't stand his fan club - it's faaakt!
I wasn't afraid to be funny. Not everyone can afford it.
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Moreover, not only you are forced to endure this, but also other clients and craftsmen who work nearby. It's like letting a dog with rabies walk in the park with children. Mercy and common sense are slightly different things.
You are oversimplifying everything. It is not so easy to get rid of a client if the head of a hairdressing salon, for example, wants him to be served in the salon. I had a bunch of idiots - a crazy general, psychopaths, megalomaniacs, etc. - we broke up with everyone, but it was difficult.
When I had my "sobbing in the chair", I worked in the salon and I had bosses. Now I have created a salon myself. And she broke up with her aunt.
By the way, she sent me an SMS not so long ago (of course, I didn’t answer the calls, it’s useless to talk), where, in an ORDER order, she ordered her to call back. Will not wait.
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Alexandra 75 what an intriguing woman...
Speaking of pictures from the Internet, magazine clippings and other posters with hairstyles: often clients don’t understand at all that the features of hair growth in a model with a photo and their features (both thickness and density) are completely different. And you can copy a haircut exactly the same only on the same person. Take a picture as an example, you can still. But doing the same is unlikely.
It's better to explain it right away. And about styling too.
I often have "déjà vu" when I look at pictures from magazines and the hairstyle of a person who asks me to do it like in the photo. The haircut model is almost the same, only the styling is different. I take a styling or a hair dryer, I show it. They are surprised: I thought that I didn’t have such a haircut!
After several similar experiences, I began to understand even at the beginning of work that it was necessary to explain everything to clients, even styling. Step by step. Then the house will be like in the picture.
Otherwise, later you will read somewhere in the blogs: “I brought a picture, everything is clearer there, and I don’t hope that they will understand me. They did the same, everything was fine in the salon, but at home I washed my hair and I had nothing left !!! "
I told one mother who brought her daughter to have her hair cut, with a picture from the Internet, of some young singer. that both smiled at me, and left happy ...
EVERYTHING COMES ON TIME.. FOR THOSE WHO CAN WAIT..
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Just calculate - how much patience and nerves it takes just to bring such a person to life, listen to ridiculous nit-picking and control from an amateur, and in the end get the same money for it as from an ordinary client. It’s not even about money, although most often it’s just in money. To what extent is it possible to endure such bullying?
Fortunately, I don’t work for rent and I set the prices myself. Therefore, for those who make me a “square head”, my prices are maximum - with this I kill two birds with one stone.
2) I must somehow compensate for my moral costs
3) frightened of the price and no more foot to me
this is the only thing I can do - just take a lot of money .... and then feel satisfied (even though I know what I endured for)
Make your hobby your profession - and never work again!
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I'm talking about what the client has choice.So do I. It's a job, and I'm doing it. But I'm not going to babysit the hospital patients.
The master is not a whipping toy, I don’t spend money on training, advanced training and expensive cosmetics to calm other people’s seizures, which I don’t even have anything to do with.
I fully respect the client’s right to choose and his beliefs and cockroaches in my head ... exactly as long as he does not try to sit on my head and try to manipulate me. Then our working relationship ends. I don’t tell her what problems I have and moral dilemmas, I don’t hang my problems on her head.
If a person comes to make himself beautiful on his head and relax - you are welcome. But I prefer to let the manipulators and those who come for a portion of blood go to the nearest hospital.
Anko, it's good that your superiors allow you to choose clients as you wish and see fit. Here, for example, this is not accepted. A client came to us, sat down in a chair - if you please, shear. How you will talk to him and find a common language there is your problem. You are a master, you are obliged to find an approach to everyone. And with a huge abundance of salons for every kilometer of our city (in one house there are up to 4 salons, on one small street there are up to 8 studios), you won’t really get lost. The owners have a short conversation: if you don’t want to work, look for another salon. And no one cares about your subtle mental organization. The owner cares whether clients go to his salon or not. Those. if there are so few clients, and the master still begins to poke around in the clients with his spiritual urges, then such a master is unequivocally put up. And he goes with his fibers and strings of a subtle soul to look for a new place of work.
Yes, the master is also a person, he also has a nervous system and so on. But this, as a rule, does not penetrate the owner. He is the owner, he looks at the situation with different eyes, he has money, rent, debit with credit, salon attendance, etc. And not every salon can refuse to serve a particular client.
I know such salons, when even from clients with a scab on their heads and abundant, abundant oily dandruff (when it’s just frankly disgusting to cut) you can’t get away in any way. Otherwise, you will make conflict on your smooth, tender ass.
Almost certainly you have had to deal with inappropriate behavior of people. An aggressive client, a dissatisfied customer, a tyrant boss - the options can be very different. How to deal with such people?
Michael Grothaus, a regular contributor to Fast Company, a writer, journalist and former screenwriter, talks about this in his article.
inevitability
In my almost four decades, I have worked everywhere: in eateries, shops, non-profit organizations, film studios, international technology companies, I have been in the role of an entrepreneur. All this variety is united by one inevitability: sooner or later I encountered inadequacies.
Sometimes they were ordinary customers, sometimes wealthy clients, then there were angry colleagues, but the worst nightmare turned out to be an inadequate boss. The problem is that these are not street freaks that are easy to ignore. It was on them that my business and career depended, it was impossible to ask them to kill themselves against the wall.
Not so long ago, at work, I had to communicate with a person who deserves all twelve points on a ten-point scale of inadequacy. It was really terrible - for several days in a row I suffered from insomnia. In the end, the situation was resolved unsatisfactorily for both parties. As a result, I decided to talk with experts in the field of relationships and find out how to properly behave with inadequate people of all stripes.
Lynn Taylor, CEO of Lynn Taylor Consulting, has developed a great mnemonic CALM (note - calmness), which helps to cope with the stress of facing an angry boss, bad clients or unfriendly co-workers:
Communicate openly and regularly.
Anticipate- prepare for possible problems before the situation starts to worsen, have pre-prepared solutions.
Keep It Simple (Levity)- so you reduce the overall degree of tension and help the boss or client realize that you are in the same boat. The main thing is not to overdo it.
Manage Up- carefully study how to use positive and negative reinforcement, coordinate the list of priorities and expectations, role model and required behavior, draw boundaries. These skills will come in handy in any position.
« When someone who seemed quite pleasant and sane to you begins to behave strangely, it is logical to assume that he is having a difficult period in his personal life, so you should treat strange behavior with understanding,- advises Guy Winch, psychologist, author of the book "Emotional First Aid: Removing Rejection, Guilt, Feelings of Failure and Other Everyday Traumas."
« But if a person behaves unpleasantly, criticizes everyone, is not inclined to cooperate and constantly lies, it is obvious that the matter is not in personal problems, but in the personality itself. This is how a bad employee is identified." he adds.
Getting started with the problem is not easy. No one wants to bite the "giving hand", most often we prefer to do nothing.
« The fight-or-flight algorithm is ill-suited to this situation. Most often, events develop by inertia.”, says Lynn Taylor, CEO at Lynn Taylor Consulting, author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant. No one wants to risk their job, position, clients, relationships. The easiest way is to do nothing until the situation explodes. The easiest way is to wash your hands and hope that everything will settle down by itself. Unfortunately, this is complacency, which only exacerbates the problem.
Do not lead to a thermonuclear explosion, but try to get out of an unpleasant situation with the help of advice from Guy Winch and Lynn Taylor.
Inadequate buyer
It can be a one-time or regular buyer. In any case, he bought something from you, is dissatisfied with the purchase and before his eyes turns into a rare inadequacy.
« Dissatisfied customers can be defiant and extremely, extremely unpleasant. It’s good when they speak out and make their dissatisfaction known, and not silently spread rumors or go to a competitor. ” Winch explains.
You must do everything possible to solve the problems of the buyer, even if he behaves quite abruptly. However, there is a line that should not be crossed.
If the buyer behaves aggressively and offensively, you need to set a certain limit for him and in general for everyone who insults and humiliates others, threatens and behaves affectively. The boundary is set as follows: you assure the buyer that you are doing everything possible for him and emphatically politely insist that he communicate with you within the limits of decency. If the buyer does not agree, explain that this is the end of your dialogue and you are going to notify management of the incident. This advice is given by Guy Winch.
Lynn Taylor adds that dealing with one aggressive buyer can be relatively easy if you're in a leadership position yourself. Employees in lower positions may feel that they have no right to argue with the client at all. That's why it's important to have company-wide codes of practice - they will protect your employees in sticky situations. The company must have ready scenarios and ways to resolve the worst possible scenarios. It is also important to quickly assess the situation right on the spot.
Let's say a client wants to fight for as long as they can, but you can't constantly deal with the problems of such people and successfully run a business. You should always have "rescue plans" ready - a free line manager, experienced in resolving conflicts with unpleasant customers; a standard list of options for resolving the conflict to the satisfaction of the buyer; time limit policy for claims handling. The keys to success are professionalism and consistency.
And some bad news for inadequate clients. Some companies are already practicing protecting against inappropriate customer behavior through innovative business models. Topping the list of innovators are Uber, Lyft and Airnbnb with their user rating systems. The formula "the customer is always right" is turned on its head. Everything changes. If you want fanfare and a red carpet from a salesperson, you need to be polite, says Lynn Taylor.
Inadequate client
A client is a person who has been using your services for months or even years. Loyal customers tend to make a good impression, at least as long as they are doing well. If a loyal customer starts to act not very reasonable, the best way to interact is persuasion.
First of all, you can not postpone the solution of the problem until later. You need to react right away. Use the techniques of dissipation, mirroring, showing interest and achieve conflict resolution, recommends Lynn Taylor. Don't tell the client that he's behaving badly. So you only feed the conflict. Avoid emotional reactions, work with facts, for example:
Client: « You assured me that everything would be ready today! I should have canceled your services.»!
You(scattering): " I understand your frustration. (Mirror): If I were you, I would also be dissatisfied, I apologize for the misunderstanding that has arisen.. (Showing interest): " We'll have it all done by 3 p.m., is that okay with you?"
(Client agrees)
You(conflict resolution): " Everything will be done on time.”.
If inappropriate behavior quickly becomes a bad habit, consider talking face-to-face with the client and consider regular meetings. The reason often lies in ineffective communication, and face-to-face meetings are a great option to save a deteriorating relationship.
Guy Winch advises assembling and briefing the team before a face-to-face meeting with a difficult client. Warn people that the case is difficult. Reassure them that you will handle the bulk of the contact. If a client tries to offend your employees, politely ask him to address all complaints to you, and not to your subordinates.
Inadequate colleague
It is unpleasant to deal with an inadequate buyer or client, but one has to see them only periodically. But what if your colleague behaves like an idiot?
First of all, it is worth finding out the real reason for this behavior. Perhaps they are "protecting their territory" due to the loss of power or authority? Or maybe he feels that he is about to lose his former influence or important projects? Very often, there is a story behind the rude behavior of a colleague. It should be studied before taking unpleasant behavior personally. It may well turn out that aggressive behavior is not directed at you personally at all. And if you respond in kind, it can be counterproductive. Of course, overtly stupid or bizarre behavior should not be forgiven. It is not about unconditional acceptance and forgiveness, it is about preventive measures.
First, be friendly: try to have lunch or a cup of coffee together. Tell your colleague that working with you, he will achieve great career success. Do not forget to explain that you have nothing to share, argue why this is so. Listen and ask more than you talk. Find out their needs and talk about yours. Be casual, show optimism, but do not forget about modesty.
If the friendly fact-finding mission fails and your co-worker continues to behave inappropriately, it's time to move on to the next step. Having a frank conversation will help you get to the root of the problem. Be specific but diplomatic.
If a person is not cooperating and all this affects your performance, it's time to go to the manager and get recommendations from him to correct the situation.
Inadequate boss
The last and most nightmarish item on our list is an inadequate boss. This person has power over your salary and career prospects, so interaction with him requires especially thoughtful planning.
Don't take this lightly. The inadequacy of the leader can affect your emotional well-being and increase stress levels more than you think.
Guy Winch advises to evaluate the corporate culture at the same time. In some companies, an extremely negative culture is broadcast from the very top and the emotional state of employees, to put it mildly, is not among the priorities. In such organizations, complaints about management are not welcome. But even in this case, one cannot put up with the inadequacy of the boss.
If the immediate supervisor becomes a source of severe stress, this must be dealt with. Constantly being in a bad mood can greatly damage your self-esteem, emotional and even physical health.
Try to follow the path of persuasion. After all, you are of some value to the company that spent time and money looking for you. It makes more sense to solve existing problems than just let you go. When you decide to speak with your boss, try to maintain a positive tone of conversation. For example:
speak: « I really enjoy working here and I try to perform my duties as efficiently as possible. However, when you did "X", it took a toll on my productivity. I hope that in the future, instead of "X", we will resort to "Y". I would like to be really helpful. (Pause) Thank you very much for your time.».
Do not speak: « I'm very upset by your behavior and I'm thinking about resigning».
If the conversation does not bring results, Guy Winch advises to carefully record cases of inappropriate behavior of the leader, enlist the support of a certain number of colleagues and present the collected facts to the HR department or higher management.
If contacting the HR department did nothing or resulted in extremely sluggish, insufficient actions, it may make sense to contact a labor dispute specialist. Don't hesitate to do so if your boss is severely emotionally harassing or bullying employees based on gender, race, etc. In the worst case, you will have to consider transferring to another department or changing jobs.
In the end, no job is worth your mental health and poor quality of life.
